In Memory of Doc

Doc is gone. There's no easy way to say those three words and they just crush me. It's been so difficult to watch him decline over the past few months, but still I kept hoping that somehow he would mange to keep going. When he lost all control of his bowels last month Mary and I began bathing him to clean him up on every visit. We called this a "spa treatment", and several other cats who've had them in the past grew to relish the warm water and then cuddling in a fluffy hot towel right out of the dryer. But not Doc - he absolutely hated everything about it. There was no choice but to clean him up, though, or he would have been such a mess in short order that he would have suffered other problems too.

 

I don't mind being the bad guy when it's time to medicate or treat an unwilling cat. But in the past week Doc began running in terror the moment he saw me enter the room, even when I was just passing through. He'd go high up on a shelf near the ceiling and I'd have to get the stepladder to climb up and grab him for his cleanup. If you became a sanctuary volunteer in the past year or so you've only known Doc as a rather frail and sickly cat. But in his prime he was strong, vital, and one of the most loving and affectionate cats we've ever had at the sanctuary. Looking into his eyes when he was happily nestled into my lap was wonderful beyond words.....and that's why seeing him shrink away from me with fear in his eyes was almost more than I could bear. On Friday we decided to just give him a gentle sponge bath cleanup rather than putting him in the sink to soak, hoping it would be less stressful for him. But it was even worse - we're not sure whether he was crying out in fright or pain, but it was clear that cleaning him up was causing him a tremendous amount of stress. And after seeing that, looking at his frail body slowly wasting away before us, and realizing that more and more people who knew Doc well had been asking lately whether it was getting close to being his time, it was apparent to us that it was.

Sometimes an illness takes a sudden turn and a cat leaves us unexpectedly. Other times it's not so quick, but it becomes very clear at some point that their time is at hand. And then, once in a while, there are cats like Doc who are slowly wasting away and need us to make the hard decision to allow them to leave this life with dignity and, most importantly, avoid them leaving with the memory of suffering during their final days. Doc left us today at home, at peace and surrounded by loving hands. This is perhaps the hardest loss for me to come to terms with in all the years I've been with Shadow Cats.

Doc's passing marks the end of an era at the sanctuary. Sheila has often said that she inherited her love of cats from her aunt, for whom Nana's Corner is named. Several of Nana's personal cats came to live at the sanctuary after she passed, and several others became Shadow Cats when Sheila trapped and rescued them near Nana's home in Arkansas. Doc was the last of those cats....the Arkansas gang is now fully reunited across the Bridge with their beloved Nana. We'll miss them terribly, and will honor their memories by continuing to care for all the others who are still with us and who may come after them.

These are my two favorite pictures of Doc. You'd have a hard time finding a more handsome or appealing look than this wonderful close-up shot that Jane R. got several years ago. And the other one is how I'll always remember Doc - in my lap. After that final traumatic cleanup on Friday, we let Doc go back out into Uptown and he dashed into a condo and got up on the top shelf right next to Whispers, as though he knew we wouldn't dare reach in for him there. But a couple of hours later, when he was laying there alone after finishing off some Fancy Feast, he relaxed and allowed Mary and I to reach in and pet and snuggle him, and even curled his toes as if to say "I understand, and I don't hold any of this against you". A little later in the early evening twilight as darkness settled in, looking out from the workroom I saw Doc climb down out of the condo and walk out onto the porch. He got up onto his favorite perch on one of the cat trees next to the screen to spend one more night taking in all the sights and sounds in the garden out back. Today, the wind chimes outside Doc's window are singing his name.

--David Murphy